The JRPG Hero Your JRPG Hero Could Angst Like

A misty plain outside the city of Alexandria on the Mist Continent of the world of Gaia. A shadowy figure resolves itself out of the mist: it's Zidane Tribal, genome and hero of Final Fantasy IX. He stands at ease, the wind stirring his hair and his hands resting dashingly on his matching blades. He smiles…

"Hello, players. Look at your hero, now back to me, now back at your hero, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped angsting about his fake past and got on with saving the world, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You're on the Hilde Garde with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hand, back at me. I have it, it's two items with that ability you want. Look again, the items are now trancing! Anything is possible when your hero is awesome and doesn't angst over every last little thing. I have a tail."

And indeed, he is now swinging upside down from his tail as the Hilde Garde 3 flies off into the sunset, while a jaunty whistled version of the Final Fantasy theme plays over everything…